Where am I in me?

Where am I in me?

There are many of me I often see.

I was proud of the innocent mind I owned,

Until I realised many of me were cloned. 

I, as a victim, was always on the run,

Running from myself to run towards my other one. 

I, as a criminal, murdered my own desires,

What a journey it’s been!

From my cradle to my pyre.

I, as a manipulator, manipulated my own mind,

I hid my emotions somewhere, I myself couldn’t find.

I, as a liar, escaped from the truth,

The truth that ruined my childhood and my youth.

I, as a friend, betrayed whoever believed in me,

To make them believe Life isn’t as beautiful as they see.

Who am I in me?

Where am I in me?

I was never real, I was never free. 

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IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET OVER SOMEONE YOU’RE MADLY IN LOVE WITH?

Love is described as a magical feeling that homes your heart. You grew up reading love stories; watching romantic movies; seeing inseparable couples having the time of their lives in the parks and you always wondered if you would also love someone someday. So you did fall in love and there’s no way to undo it. Not everyone who loves, is happy. 

People get cheated by their lovers or some go through break ups and some end up attending the weddings of their lovers. 
1. Determine to get over.

No one, in the whole world, can help you if you don’t want to be helped so the first lesson that you need to give to yourself is that determine to get over it. 
2. Do not run from the facts.Face them.

The more you run, the faster it chases you. Try to admit to yourself if it’s your mistake. If it is not your mistake then you don’t deserve the punishment for the crime you’ve not committed. No one has the power to make you sad unless you allow. 
3. Be logical.

It’s not easy to think logically when it’s about relationships and emotions. They just chain you and leave you with no logic. Remind yourself that love is just the part of the life, it’s not life so you can always move on. It seems impossible to move on at the moment but time lessens the pain for sure. 

Today you’re thinking how unfair your life is; tomorrow you’ll be thankful to it.
4. This is not the end.

This indeed is not the end. There are many things that you need to focus on. Learn things; develop yourself; be better than yourself. 
5. Don’t consider yourself a victim.

Most of the people consider themselves victims and cling to the sadness for a long time. We all are victims of circumstances. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Give yourself the respect that others haven’t given to you. 
6. Fall in love with yourself.

This is the right time for you to fall in love with yourself on purpose. Somebody broke your heart; somebody cheated you; somebody didn’t care about your feelings, so it’s the time when you need yourself the most. Spend time doing things for yourself. Go out for shopping or make yourself a delicious meal. Give yourself the love you’ve been expecting others to give.
7. Do not think.

Most of the problems are the outcome of thinking or over thinking to be more specific.

You start to imagine your lover with someone else and then something indescribable hurts your chest. You start to think about the future you already planned with your lover. It’s better to avoid thinking by keeping yourself busy in one way or the other.
8. Now is not the time to think about the replacement.

The second thing that comes to your mind is that ‘ will you ever be able to replace your ex with someone?’

Questions like these can only be answered by time so leave it on time.

 

Nothingness

I drowned 

Into the crimson ink of my thoughts;

Into the deepness of my eyes, bloodshot.

Into the asylum of repetitive questions,

Into the wideness of incurable depressions.

The night is dark; so are my intentions,

This life itself is the bone of contention.

I’m losing myself into the nothingness.

No purpose, no beliefs;

All I’ve inside of me is a beautiful mess.

I walk with no intention to reach a place;

I run with no will to win the race.

I live with no will, no purpose;

I’m the joker of this abandoned circus.

This nothingness has filled me to the core;

This nothingness is an ocean with no shore. 

I must live

It was a rainy day;

The month, on calender, was March

Though it was May.

The cup I was drinking the tea in

Had some roses drawn and something written.
There were books scattered everywhere in room,
Stories about victories;stories about doom.
I asked myself a repetitive question

Should I carry on living?

The trees, the clouds, the windows
Everything was in motion.
Everything was living.
What would I miss if I died today?

This cup I always drink the tea in?

This book from which I learn the cuisine?

The drawings I made last summer?

Or Josh, my favourite drummer?

Probably I would miss standing still for hours

Or I might miss long and cold showers. 
And I realised that there were more reasons to try

And just a few to die

So I must live.

An orphan

Suicidal and frustrated;

I was criticised

I was hated.

Festivals went one after another;

I, at so called home,

Missed the presence of a mother.

I was bullied; I was beaten

In the world of the wild cats;

I was a disowned kitten.

Number of haters increased day by day

My emotions turned sour

My only heart decayed.

I cried while cooking meals for myself

But never in my life

I asked for a help.

Because I knew that if I wanted to be strong

I should get over

The fear of being wrong.

I had friends;

Friends who came and gone like trends.

I no longer cried

For the ones who disowned me

Or for the ones who have died.

Being an orphan is finally no curse

I’m sure people go through even worse.

Monster inside of me

I’m no more a loner

I see myself split in two

One of me used to cry in the corner

The other me, now,  is a monster true.

What an experiment done on me!

Evil who I was taught to be.

Now I hurt who hurt me years ago

Greeting them with a smile and hello.

I stopped playing with dolls and in sunshines 

Now I play with feelings of innocent minds.

I’m not responsible for who I’ve become

A friend to few, an enemy to some.

Why?

All my life I was taught to be nice to people. Why were people not taught to be nice to me?

I was taught to speak the truth but then why were the lies told to me?

I was told to be a brave girl by someone who was coward enough.

I was ordered to respect the elders then why did elders not respect me?

I was told many things and I did whatever I was told. 

Is their no punishment for the rapists of mind?

What was supposed to heal the wounds, ended up doubling my wounds. 

Is there no escape other than death?